Fear

Hi again!

Miss me?? (don't answer that lol)

Anyway,

Let's talk about fear today.

Heart-racing, nail-biting, paralysing fear.

Random fact: Did you know that the fear of failure is ranked as the number one human fear? It even beat out the fear of death. I kid you not (google it if you don't believe me!!)

Fear usually the thing that keeps us from doing that which we want to do.

I am, by nature, a scardey-cat. Anything that's out of the norm, terrifies me. I like routine; I like order, it keeps me sane.

I remember being terrified and NOT AT ALL excited to go to the pseudo amusement park in Chaguanas with the shaky 'roller'coaster' and the ferris wheel. I remember my Uncle and Aunt teasing me because of the look of sheer terror in my eyes when we were on the rides. I also remember my aunt telling me "Renee, c'mon, live a little".

I also remember a fellow classmate of mine from CAFD at UTT basically telling me I need to stop having such an aversion to risk, especially with my fashion choices. Hilarious I know, studying fashion and afraid to take a risk with my wardrobe. Unbelievable.

My boyfriend also told me once that I'm ruled by my fears...see the trend here?

My fear factor increased even further, when, two years ago I got really sick and none of the doctors (all SIX (6) of them in Trinidad and Barbados) could really figure out what was really wrong with me. I did test upon test and nothing really conclusive came back. The doctors made suggestions, but everything was just conjecture, educated guesses. It was a time of real confusion and depression, wondering if I was going to die. I was afraid to go out, afraid to eat, because I was just so terrified I'd get sick in the middle of an event. However after some time, I slowly started back doing things I used to do before I got sick and also, since I wasn't getting any answers from conventional methods, I decided I would take things into my own hands. I decided to stop relying on medication to suppress my symptoms, which anyone who's a life long pill popper knows is just absolutely terrifying. It's hard to give up control.

In the last year I have forced myself, to take risks. The Catholic church is celebrating the Year of Faith and I decided I would challenge myself to stop being so timid and afraid and well..step out in faith. Well I tell you, I have no regretted it one bit. The last year has enabled me to have some unbelievable experiences that I know I'd never have, had I not jumped off the proverbial deep end. I like control, taking a risk forces you to let go of that perceived control. You literally have to let go and let God. Trust that it will work out. And even if it doesn't..well at least you can say you tried.


Two major things I've done over the past year are :

Starting  my own business I started Renee's Natural Hair Styling and Braiding Services *shameless plug*
I have met and made friends with some of the most interesting and amazing clients! I have been able to do what I am passionate about for almost a year, and that is to educate, communicate and encourage people to love their natural kinky, coily and curly hair. I continued to be amazed when people find the right products for their hair or discover a new hairstyle or maintenance or hair care technique that has helped them. It's truly a blessing to be able to use my hands and heart in the service of others. Not many people can say that and not many people get to do what they love on a daily basis.

Volunteering for World Youth Day (WYD) in Brazil and getting to see the Christ the Redeemer Statue at Corcovado- IN PERSON, a really unforgettable experience. I harboured a vague desire to go to Brazil for the World Cup in 2014, wondeirng how on earth I'd pay for that experience. Instead I decided, since this was probably the closest WYD would EVER be to to Caribbean, I'd try to go as a volunteer for the WYD in Rio, which  I was able to do practically for free. I'll tell y'all about that in another blog post.

There's one more major leap I plan to take this year, for my health. It's been improving but it's not fully there yet and I know there's something that's holding me back. I have been putting it off, thinking I can deal with it; putting  it off for fear of upsetting others. But there comes a time when you have to take a stand, take control, do what's right for you. More details about this in yet another post.

I believe though that things happen for a reason and your experiences conspire to propel you to make certain leaps of faith when the time is right. Honestly, taking these kinds of gambles has really boosted my self confidence. My new motto is "try it, what have you got to lose?" And really, what HAVE you go to lose? You always learn something from each and every experience; be it positive or negative.

As usual I've blabbered on for far too long! Long story short, take a risk, you never know what the outcome might be. You may have just precipitated the beginning of a wonderful and unforgettable journey to discovering a new talent or honing an existing one. You also learn more about and develop yourself in the process. You may discover that you're just not good at something, or you might make a life long friend, develop a key relationship. You just never know.

So fight the fear, take a risk..what have you got to lose?

Till next time!

xo

Ren