The Winding Road

Hi!


I know it's been FOREVER! I do apologise! I never seem to be able to cook enough food to last me a week and I find myself having to cook something almost every night, so a lot of my nights are taken up with preparing my food, cuz I don't eat anything that comes in a box, carton, package or can

I make every single thing I eat from scratch

#yayme

...but I digress

Let's get right in to today's post

There's a meme that talks about success that looks a lil something like this

I can most certainly attest to this

My life's journey thus far has taken me all over the place, and I don't think that's a bad thing.

When I finished University, I swore up and down I was going to be some big international manager somewhere (I even got accepted to a International Management Masters programme) where I'd get to speak French; or a translator or work for the UN or in Foreign Affairs

Then reality hit; I couldn't afford to pay for a masters programme, and I was bonded to the government through my scholarship and I had to serve FIVE years obligatory service (which seems liek eternity, when it actuality....yeah, it is), so what next?

Get a job, right?

So i was given a job, not remotely related to anything I studied..and then what I like to call post university depression set in, where you find out that getting a university degree doesn't count for peas in the real world

So there I was, a graduate, doing nothing I was remotely interested in, wondering, where on earth do I go from here? Is it even possible to move on from this place?

Sometimes you find yourself in a situation and you're wondering, why the HELL am I really here, what is the purpose of this? Oh believe me, I've been there, numerous times, for years, asking myself, what REALLY is the purpose of my life? Am I doomed to suffer in this godforsaken position, job, etc FOREVER??!!

Well I'm here to tell you, the period of darkness, the period of despair, confusion, depression, loneliness, frustration; it's absolutely necessary; it pushes to you your limit. It makes you search yourself and find out what you really want, it makes you question your priorities, your ideals, why you want what you want, what you're good at, what you aren't good at, what you will or won't tolerate.

I spent three years in a desk job at various government ministries and I was MISERABLE, and you know what the worst part was?

My coworkers were some of the BEST people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and I had great supervisors/bosses for the most part; some with whom I'm still friendly

So if my working environment wasn't completely horrible and torturous, then in God's name  WHYYYYYY was I still miserable? Why did I dread getting up to go to work?

It took three years of me questioning myself, being in different jobs, having different experiences to find out just a few of the reasons:

a-I like to see immediate results, or at least feel like I'm actively contributing to improving something
Working in the government service HARDLY ever gives you the satisfaction of seeing your hard work come to fruition.

b- I HATE/ DETEST/LOATHE ENTIRELY waking up at 5 in the morning to get to work for 8 am. I live 8 km from where I work, tell me WHY I need to get up THREE entire hours in advance just to beat traffic???

c-I don't like suits. Yes, this is VERY important to my mental well-being

d-While I consider myself to be a people person and I'm friendly enough, I hate being forced to  interact with people. I like to interact with them on my terms.

e-I don't like people breathing down my neck. If you give me something to do, I'll get it done, stop hovering.

f-I value my free time; I HATED having to take my lunch hours to go shopping or to run necessary errands. Don't even ask me about coming to work on a Saturday.

g- I find diplomacy and hierarchy and international relations, rather tiresome and unnecessary so the UN/Foreign affairs job was a no-go. I also have no cover for my mouth, so I was sure to offend a diplomat within 24 hours of getting a job like that.

The last straw was when I got sick and could barely go to work, and then my contract ended and I was expected to find a job myself,

So I did

I became a hairdresser

This straight-A (for the most part) follows the conventional trajectory (secondary school-university-conventional job), supposed 'bright' convent girl became a hairdresser (le gasp!), the thing 'ghetto chicks' and people with no CXC passes do to make money

And you know what?

 I LOVE IT

and it happened in the most random way (will give you that story in another post)

Something I did for YEARS as a past time has now become my bread and butter, go figure..life is weird like that..

I get to blab about hair and hair products all day, I get to help people prepare for a special event, I get to educate people and help them see the beauty of natural hair and just how versatile it is People are amazed at the kinds of things natural kinky, coily and curly hair can do, all without the use of chemicals
I get to set my own times, I get to run errands, I wake up at 7, and it's the most glorious feeling in the world NOT to have to deal with traffic

Stress is a MAJOR factor in triggering flare ups of my conditions, and since I changed jobs, I've had significantly less of those.

I do not regret anything I have been through, especially working the desk job; I have learned a great deal from that. It's shown me what I do not want and what I can and cannot tolerate.

I wont rule out getting a 'real job', again, but it's not something I'm terribly excited about right now.

On your life journey you will encounter set backs; you may find yourself repeating the same mistakes. The thing is to keep questioning yourself, keep trying to figure out what you want from life and make a plan to get it.
You don't have to suffer through whatever it is forever and you certainly shouldn't do it to please your parents or to fulfill society's view of what the ideal should be.

Do your own damn thing!

I'm not saying to quit your day job or to move to the Canary Islands (but who's stopping you!); but if you are in a place that you don't want to be, make a plan to progressively get where you want to be. No it's not as simple as it sounds, but it's a start.

I may be in a positive place job-wise, but I still have other struggles, I'm still trying to figure out what I ultimately want from life career-wise among other things. Or maybe I'm not supposed to be in one career forever.

The journey is a fluid one, your wants and needs are constantly evolving and changing.. Just because you are comfortable/happy or even unhappy/frustrated with something now, doesn't mean it will be so for the rest of your life.

Keep striving, don't be alarmed that the trajectory isn't a linear one; the meandering road makes the journey all the more colourful!

As always I'd love to hear from you :)

xo

Renz

Image (c) Cameron Layne (my darling and greatest supporter!) You can check out some of his other work here:

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